Interview with Reavers Guard, Ugluk

"Jennis Hillsworthy here. I am joined today by Ugluk, veteran guard for the GORaM Reavers. Ugluk, an excellent result for the Reavers last week - you must be thrilled."
"Indeed, Jennis, the team performed admirably and we are truly delighted with the result. To come away with a landslide against a Corporation team like the Renegades makes all of us proud. Even the Goblins were given an evening off chores as a reward for a job well done."
"I'd like to talk about the Reaver's Jacks for a moment. For a Marauders team, they certainly seem to be able to bring in the big strikes. What is their secret?"
"Well Jennis, the Reavers are basically a big family. What I mean by that is, we Orx take our responsibilities to the little runts very seriously. When they score, we celebrate their achievements, sometimes by letting them eat cooked meat at a real table. They even have their own coach, Snitch, who lets us know which of them is performing, and well, which of them isn't. And that helps to keep them motivated."
"I'm almost afraid to ask - what happens when they don't live up to expectations?"
"Well all good pets need to be corrected from time to time."
"I see. And do you have a favourite pet Goblin?"
"Yes. Rat is my favourite. Seven strikes in the league now! He's doing so well! The others are very jealous. Sometimes I have to throw them around the arena for a while to punish them for biting him."
"The other team that did well last week were of course the Speedy Draconians, who also won in a landslide over Hastur's Hammers - their second in as many games. Are you worried about your upcoming match with this seemingly unstoppable side?"
"Not worried at all, Jen. Looking forward to it in fact. We love playing with Corporation strikers. They are the crunchiest strikers in the DGB."
"I notice that you've added a new Guard - Shagrat - to the roster. Would this have anything to do with this strategy?"
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Jen."
"Always a pleasure Ugluk. Best of luck with Round Three!"
"The pleasure was all mine, my dear Jennis."

Chitin Chargers vs. Whitesun Myrmidons

"Jennis Hillsworthy for COGSNET Sports. You join us now in the Spire DreadBall Arena for the first game of Round Two, and the Chitin Chargers are facing off against the home side, Whitesun Myrmidons, and the Chitin Chargers are offering a very unorthodox defence, bunched in two castles on their near strike zones. Here comes the ball, and Myrmidons striker Liebnitz picks up and heads straight down the middle. This could be dangerous for the Z'zor team, they've left their deep zone completely unguarded, and yes, Liebnitz calmly makes the three point strike.

Folks, this could be over real soon. But wait - new Chargers guard, Zork, is eyeing up John Stuart Mill, the Myrmidon's star striker. He's going for the slam - oh it's a big one! Mill is dead! Striker 'Zippy' picks up and scores a one pointer over Mill's shattered corpse. This game is not over, folks.

Pascal comes on for the Myrmidons. What could this substitute striker do to turn their fortunes around? He picks up the ball, and that's an audacious pass through 8 hexes to Liebnitz! Liebnitz makes the catch look easy! Guard Descartes is going for a slam on the striker Zippy...and it's another huge slam - but those bugs are tougher than they look, and I think Zippy is going to survive this one. Liebnitz is going for the strike...and he makes it! That's five points to the Myrmidons, and they could still be going home with a landslide.

Pascal is right in the way of the ball...he hasn't even seen it, and he's off injured. Careless positioning from the Corporation striker. The Myrmidons are down to one striker. Zajal picks up the ball from a favourable bounce and goes for a two-pointer...and makes it.

Liebnitz picks up for the Myrmidons, and is slammed down by Z'zod. The ball is picked up, the Chargers need more points on the board...and the ball shatters! That's the end of a disappointing rush for the Chargers, Myrmidons still lead by three points.

Pascal comes back on for the Myrmidons, sprints up the field...picks up the ball...and he's still going! That is one seriously fast striker...he's going for the three pointer! Is it too much...yes it is, the shot goes wide.

Z'zod is going for a slam on Pascal...will this be another dead striker? No, Pascal deftly avoids the worst of it. The Jack, Zebedee, picks up the ball. Passes to striker Zajal...Zajal is going for a two-point strike, and hits! I've never seen such accuracy from a Z'zor striker!

Liebnitz to pick up for the Myrmidons. Moves downfield and throws to Pascal. Pascal has missed...wait! The ball has hit the wall and come straight back to him! He catches and goes for the strike! And the groans you can hear, ladies and gentlemen, are the Myrmidon's fans. Where is the form their strikers showed in the opening rushes?

Jack 'Zed' picks up the ball for the Chargers. He makes the throw to Zajal. Surely Zajal can't make another bonus strike? Yes he can! It's two points and for the first time this game the Chargers lead!

What a thriller this is turning out to be, as we enter the final rushes. Pascal misses the pickup for the Myrmidons...their strikers are going to pieces! This is the Charger's chance to put the game beyond doubt. Zajal, who has been infallible all game, goes for a strike attempt...but this time he misses!

The Myrmidons have just one chance to get the lead back. Jack 'Hegel' comes on. He picks up the ball and heads down the field. Liebnitz manages to get away from Zork and Zippy and heads to the deep zone. Here comes the pass! The pass is good, and Liebnitz scores his third three-pointer of the game! Myrmidons are back in the lead, and their fans are ecstatic.

Zebedee picks up for the Chargers. Throws to Zajal - can he tie the game? No! It's missed, and there goes the final claxon. Myrmidons win by two points in an absolute thriller of a game, and Round Two is off to a bruising start.

And it seems that it's sad news for fans of star striker John Stuart Mill. It seems like the Whitesun Corporation aren't going to pick up his resurrection bill - they've decided to add a new striker to the roster instead. Well, that's DreadBall for you. Tune in next time for Speedy Draconians vs. Hastur's Hammers. I've been Jennis Hillsworthy."

Round Two Fixtures

Hastur's Hammers vs. Speedy Draconians
The Renegades vs. GORaM Reavers
Wolftan's Runners vs. Vanguard Stampeders
Chitin Chargers vs. Whitesun Myrmidons (non-league Corporation team)

Round One Round Up!

"Well Jen, that wraps up Round One of COGS DreadBall League, and what a round it's been! We've had big scores, we've had drama -"
"But we haven't had any fatalities - yet, and that's what is so fascinating. Perhaps the Human Rights League have managed to buy off some of the Guards."
"Not likely - those hippies couldn't afford to buy off an ice-cream vendor."
"I'm sure you're right Seb - in which case, CDL Guards - get your act together! The people demand carnage!"
"Well we came pretty close to a fatality in the last game of the season - The Renegades versus Wolftan's Runners. Jen, why don't you take us through that game?"
"Sure thing, Seb. Things opened pretty well for the Corporation side with an easy two-pointer in rush one, but that was when it all started to fall apart. The big Forge Father Guard 'Gorm' took out his frustration on the Corporation striker, turning his brain pan to the same consistency as porridge. Wolftan's Runners proceeded to take the game by the horns, with promising striker Bugman scoring a four pointer. The Renegade's Guards did a decent job of retaliating, knocking Bugman and two Forge Father Jacks out of the game, but their Strikers could not capitalize, leaving striker Storak to pick up the ball. Cowering behind Gorm, the Forge Father managed to fend off all attacks and scored a magnificent four-pointer, leaving the Runners within one point of outright victory. One final fumble from the Renegades saw Storak once again showing off his agility to score another four-pointer, and one feels that between their star striker Storak and their huge Guard Gorm, that this Forge Father team are one to watch."
"And what became of the hapless Corporation striker he minced?"
"Resurrected without a scratch on him, Seb. Cryorevision has been unusually effective so far in this competition."
"You were never resurrected in your career on the neodurium, I believe."
"They never managed to hit me, Seb."
"Of course not, Jen. Of course, at the top of the table in terms of rankings are the GORaM Reavers, who seem to have taken a lot of revenue from their one friendly game, and their fairly unspectacular win over the Vanguard Stampeders."
"Well, uneventful though it was, their big Guard 'Grishnakh' had a good game, as did their Jack, 'Rat', who shows more skill than the average goblin."
"It'll be interesting to see them progress in weeks to come. Several of the teams have put their money in new coaching staff, and with the first MVP auctions coming up the competition could be anyone's. We will announce Round Two fixtures very soon. In the meantime, I've been Sebastian Stephenson."
"And I've been Jennis Hillsworthy."
"Bye folks."

Speedy Draconians vs. Vermintide Tornadoes

"Welcome back, folks. If you're just joining us, we've just seen a hotly contested game including one fairly stellar performance. Jen, what did you make of it?"
"Great game, Seb, and the Draconians have certainly set out their stall as early contenders for the league title. Their attitude was right from the word go, coming out onto the pitch in such an unhurried way. Cool, laid back, and confident."
"And what a debut performance from Number Six striker, Dash."
"That's right, Seb. With three big scores, including a four pointer in the first rush, he just made the Tornado's defence look sluggish."
"His older brother Flash must be feeling jealous."
"Yes, I don't think he will be very happy with his own performance, especially that trip in rush five right on the bonus hex, but I'm sure he'll be proud of his little brother."
"Let's not forget the Tornadoes, although their strikers had a very unlucky string of fumbles and misses, there were some moments of brilliance. How about striker Ben catching that loose ball and going on to score four points in rush two?"
"A great strike, and it could have gone either way at that point in the game. Let's not forget that the Veer-Myn were the fan favourites today. But still, a firm landslide victory, which sends the Speedy Draconians into an early lead on the table. Two fixtures still to play in round one, but the Corporation side's performance will be hard to beat."
"Thanks Jen. We'll be back next week folks, so stay tuned to COGSNET."

Chitin Chargers vs Hastur's Hammers

"Welcome to Monday night DreadBall, I'm Jennis Hillsworthy."
"And I'm Seb Stephenson."
"And you join us now as the inaugural game of the season is about to start. I can see the Chargers forming two castles near the centre line, and the Hammers taking up a defensive posture, guarding those bonus hexes. Looks like they expect an early attack...and here comes the ball!"
"Lets play DreadBall! And one of the Z'zor Jacks is quick off the mark - I can't believe it, he's going to slam the Nameless Big Guard!"
"A brave move, but unbelievably he's actually pushed the huge guy back out of the way, and his striker is there to pick up the ball from right against the wall - he's dropped it...wait! The ball has bounced off the wall and straight into his claw!"
"Was that a deliberate piece of showboating? Either way, he is heading into the Hammer's back field at a frightening pace."
"Here comes the Big Guard for the Hammers, and it is a devastating slam. He'll be off the field for some time, and the crowd love it."
"This is what they come to see, Jen. But the Hammers have the ball now, they're heading for the near strike zone, here goes the throw...and it's good. One point to the Hammers and they're off to a modest start. Jen, in your days with the Sylphs you played against both a Nameless team and a Z'zor team, what is it actually like to be on the pitch with those things?"
"Freaking weird, Sebastian, and I'd thank you not to bring that subject up again if you don't mind."
"...OK...wait, here comes the big Z'zor Guard, Z'zod. His Jacks are swarming the Nameless striker like..well, ants...they're grappling him, and it's going to be a big slam...ohh! That's not pretty."
"Mind you he wasn't all that pretty even when he still had all four arms attached."
"And the Chargers have left their deep strike zone completely undefended and don't even seem to know where the ball is...and without a trace of mourning for his deceased teammate, the Hammer's number 4 is going for the bonus strike...and it's five points to the Hammers!"
"The ball comes out, and Z'zod looks like he's continuing his rampage...yes, another striker off the pitch. The Charger's fans are going wild, and one suspects they have a new favourite."
"But if they don't score some points soon it'll be all for nothing, as the one remaining Hammers striker goes for the ball...and spills it.!"
"And it goes straight to Zephyr, the star striker for the Chargers, and he's in for one point."
"Makes it look easy...a promising player."
"Here comes the ball for Rush ten, and the Hammer's striker picks up. Beats Z'zod and goes for the deep zone! The fans think it's all over...it is now. A consumate landslide victory for Hastur's Hammers, and they've deserved it."
"Well they've concentrated on making strikes, and not on big slams, whilst the Chargers have been very much playing to the crowd. I've just heard that Zephyr, their striker, has been named Man of the Match."
"And...yes, we have news of the unfortunate Nameless striker. It seems he has been put back together with no ill effects whatsoever."
"That's one lucky lobster, Jennis. Stay tuned folks, the next fixture is up in just a moment - Speedy Draconians vs Vermintide Tornadoes."

The teams face off

Seb Stephenson for COGSNET news. Local hyper-rock percussionist Brendan Heath has just presided over the draw for the opening round in the COGS DreadBall league, and I can now reveal that the fixtures are as follows:

Vanguard Stampeders (Forge Fathers) vs. GORaM Reavers (Marauders)
Hastur's Hammers (Nameless) vs. Chitin Chargers (Z'zor)
Vermintide Tornadoes (Veer-Myn) vs. Speedy Draconians (Corporation)
The Renegades (Corporation) vs. Wolftan's Runners (Forge Fathers)

Games begin in under a fortnight, and we can hardly wait.