Round One Round Up!

"Well Jen, that wraps up Round One of COGS DreadBall League, and what a round it's been! We've had big scores, we've had drama -"
"But we haven't had any fatalities - yet, and that's what is so fascinating. Perhaps the Human Rights League have managed to buy off some of the Guards."
"Not likely - those hippies couldn't afford to buy off an ice-cream vendor."
"I'm sure you're right Seb - in which case, CDL Guards - get your act together! The people demand carnage!"
"Well we came pretty close to a fatality in the last game of the season - The Renegades versus Wolftan's Runners. Jen, why don't you take us through that game?"
"Sure thing, Seb. Things opened pretty well for the Corporation side with an easy two-pointer in rush one, but that was when it all started to fall apart. The big Forge Father Guard 'Gorm' took out his frustration on the Corporation striker, turning his brain pan to the same consistency as porridge. Wolftan's Runners proceeded to take the game by the horns, with promising striker Bugman scoring a four pointer. The Renegade's Guards did a decent job of retaliating, knocking Bugman and two Forge Father Jacks out of the game, but their Strikers could not capitalize, leaving striker Storak to pick up the ball. Cowering behind Gorm, the Forge Father managed to fend off all attacks and scored a magnificent four-pointer, leaving the Runners within one point of outright victory. One final fumble from the Renegades saw Storak once again showing off his agility to score another four-pointer, and one feels that between their star striker Storak and their huge Guard Gorm, that this Forge Father team are one to watch."
"And what became of the hapless Corporation striker he minced?"
"Resurrected without a scratch on him, Seb. Cryorevision has been unusually effective so far in this competition."
"You were never resurrected in your career on the neodurium, I believe."
"They never managed to hit me, Seb."
"Of course not, Jen. Of course, at the top of the table in terms of rankings are the GORaM Reavers, who seem to have taken a lot of revenue from their one friendly game, and their fairly unspectacular win over the Vanguard Stampeders."
"Well, uneventful though it was, their big Guard 'Grishnakh' had a good game, as did their Jack, 'Rat', who shows more skill than the average goblin."
"It'll be interesting to see them progress in weeks to come. Several of the teams have put their money in new coaching staff, and with the first MVP auctions coming up the competition could be anyone's. We will announce Round Two fixtures very soon. In the meantime, I've been Sebastian Stephenson."
"And I've been Jennis Hillsworthy."
"Bye folks."